I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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