you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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