No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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