I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
