I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
he just fucked me for my cheese..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
