I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
