wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
