oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
be right there i have to get my cape
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
