whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
