My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
