My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
