I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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