I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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