Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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