he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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