Betty ford says i'm here all night
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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