I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
