i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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