I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
