Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
