OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
