Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
