Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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