Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
