I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
