These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
