His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
