There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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