Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
