I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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