apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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