Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my sisters under your porch take her home
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize