So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
