I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
