I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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