Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
