man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
