My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
What a dumb baby whore.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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