Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
