Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
