Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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