so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I have tasted many bathrooms
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
