addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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