i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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