this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
