You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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