Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
