So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
