So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
