hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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