dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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