Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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