I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
