please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I looked at my own cervix.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
