no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize