I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
