we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
