neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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