I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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