Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
