That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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