he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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