Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
