I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
