nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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