I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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