this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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