There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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