it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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