I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my shit smells like andre
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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