I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
