the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
