i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
