please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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