oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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